You should know how to deal with negative people if you have friends, acquaintances, family members or colleagues that always focus on the negative.
And it is vital to know how to deal with them because having them around can be pretty tiring. There is always one complaint or the other from them, even when they are seemingly doing better than most.
Even when you try to offer some comfort or point out the blessings they have, they end up turning the whole conversation on its head.
10 Assertive Ways To Deal With Negative People
Handling people with a negative perspective of life is hard, but with the few tips mentioned below, you can do so successfully. Here they are:
1. Maintain Your Positivity
If you want to know how to deal with negative people, you must learn to maintain your positivity. Negative people carry a draining vibe wherever they go and spread it everywhere, whether they mean to or not.
So, when you come in contact with someone who carries such draining energy, you first want to take your shield of positivity up. If you fail to do this, that energy will flow from them to you.
And soon, you’d find yourself behaving like them. Then, the words they have planted in your mind would start manifesting. So, if they come around you again, try using positive words where they expect you to use negative ones.
For example, a colleague complains to you that they think everyone will be laid off with how the economy is going. He could tell negative stories of how firms close down and lay off workers and how your firm might do the same.
He can say this even when there is no sign that the company is in trouble. When they say this, they expect you to cower, fear and even start searching for examples of companies it has happened to. It makes for a good conversation, and misery loves company.
But don’t be that company for him. Instead, say, ‘Our company has been making steady profits. If we all do our best, it will keep making more money, and there will be no need to lay off anyone.’
With this, you have maintained that space of positivity around you. He may not have anything to say to you further, and he may walk out.
2. Change The Topic
Spoken words are indicators of good character. What you say determines the kind of person you are. Hence, negative words always coming from a person make them negative people.
Negativity is passed from one person to another through an exchange of words. After you have created a positive space for yourself by pointing out the silver lining, you can change the topic.
Since negativity thrives on words, don’t let the negative person control the content and direction of the conversation. The reason why they wear you out is that you allow them to control the narrative.
When a negative person keeps seeing that you take away control of the conversation all the time, they either change and become positive or they let you be.
So, let us say your neighbor came to borrow some equipment, and you two started talking. Next, she mentions how all men cheat and how it makes her sad that her husband may be cheating too.
Instead of encouraging that line of conversation, you can change the topic. For example, ask her if she remembered the fun you two had at her sister’s wedding. Then, tell her to help you choose a better recipe you want to use for your family’s dinner.
Bring up just about anything to steer the conversation out of the negative talks. That is how to deal with negative people.
3. Don’t Always Give A Listening Ear
If you want to know how to deal with negative people, you must understand that you are not a dumping site for bad news. You may have friends who only come to you when something bad happens to them or someone they know.
A church member gives birth after years of waiting, but they don’t say anything or spread the news. A neighbor’s son gets a job at a multinational company and is gradually taking the family out of poverty, but that negative friend will never share that news.
Wall Street posts profits on the stock market, and you won’t hear about it from him. Her husband gets a job promotion, and she keeps it to herself. But when it is bad news, you see them running to you to share it.
A co-worker got fired, a distant cousin was burnt to death, and their purse was stolen at the alley. People like this may not have bad intentions, but their pessimistic outlook on life and how they go about sharing it is wrong.
Sometimes, do not make yourself available for the bad news they always try dumping on you. When they come, dismiss them.
Tell them you are busy and can’t entertain chitchats or that you want to rest and will speak with them later. Then, whatever you can do to get away from them for a while, do it.
4. Do Something Nice For Them
You read that right. Sometimes, if you want to know how to deal with negative people and pull them out of their negativity, do something nice for them.
Humans are complex beings, and sometimes what we see manifest on the outside are products of our mindset and thoughts. For example, people may be negative because they have been abused.
They have been brought up by people who did not believe in them, who did not believe in anything. So many people grow up in such a sad, colorless, dark place that they find it hard to be anything but negative.
Many people have not had people look out for or do nice things for them, so they have such pessimistic views. When you come across someone like this, the only thing that may break the cycle of negativity that they are used to is when you do and say nice things to them.
Do you have a friend who thinks they don’t deserve good things? Get them a gift, one that you are sure they need. When you do this, you disrupt their thoughts about negativity.
5. Remember, You Can’t Solve Their Problem
If you have a close friend or family member you care about so much, there is every tendency to want to always show up and solve their problems. But that is not such a good idea.
Even in romantic relationships, you are not expected to solve all of your partner’s issues, even if you can. Instead, you have to let them deal with some challenges independently, as this helps them build their personality and character.
So, if you want to know how to deal with negative people, whether they are friends, family members, or lovers, always have it at the back of your mind that you cannot solve all of their problems.
You can try your best, but you cannot keep babysitting them. Sometimes, when you try speaking to them, they accuse you of not understanding their situation or speaking from a position of privilege.
When they voice out their negativity, sometimes, put on your cloak of positivity and keep watching. Only offer advice when they ask for it.
6. Don’t Act On What They Say
It is vital for everyone who wants to know how to deal with negative people to learn not to act on what negative people say. Acting on what negative people say shows you are slowly getting sucked into negativity.
As pointed out earlier, misery loves company. So negative people will want everyone to cry, complain, and be bitter with them.
So, when a negative person comes to you and is like, “Oh, my kids are the worst. They are absolutely good for nothing. They rarely help with the chores or get good grades at school, even with all the money I spend on their education. I am sick of them!”
They want to hear this: “At least your children attend school. Mine don’t like going to school. They would not even reach the four walls of the school even if their lives depended on it.”
This is you acting on what they have said, and this will make them keep up with the sad tales. Instead, say, “Oh, my children are like that too; sometimes they get poor grades, dodge chores and say harmful things to each other.
But I don’t take these things to heart. I believe with constant training, they will change.” When you say this, you disarm them.
7. Use Questions To Build Their Enthusiasm
So, here is the thing. You can help build positivity in your friends, colleagues or family members that are negative. But, to know how to deal with negative people, you must use questions to build their enthusiasm.
This is a conversational technique that is used to open people’s eyes and make them search for solutions within instead of on the outside. When you keep using this question, you help them visualize the kind of future that they want.
For example, a friend walks up to you and laments about how unprepared he is for the exam he is about to sit for. He tells you how he feels he would fail if he wrote the exams. You can ask him why he feels he would fail the exam.
He may cite things like not feeling prepared due to not studying enough. You can ask him what he intends to do the next time to prevent that kind of feeling in the future.
And he may reply, start studying early and cover the semester outline before sitting for an exam again. So in this little way, you have made him see a future where he can do better as long as he studies.
8. Show Them How To Be Positive
If you want to know how to deal with negative people, you must show them how to behave. Being positive-minded and being negative-minded is what anyone can learn. Negativity is a learned trait, and it can also be unlearned.
So, what are the ways you can show them? First, always encourage them to focus on positive feelings. If you are with them when they receive that email that they did not get a job they applied for, ask them not to overthink it.
Remind them of times when they got other things due to their ingenuity. You can bring up a topic you know will amuse them and share. It tends to refocus their minds on the funny story instead of the bad news.
Another thing you can do is help them accept what has happened as part of life and look forward to better days. This is vital because many negative people think life has always dealt them a bad hand.
You need to make them understand that they are not the only ones affected by the worries of life. Everyone is going through the same, although to varying degrees. So tell them to look forward as better days are ahead.
Lastly, make them understand that complaining about a problem doesn’t change anything. Instead, let them learn how to take charge of their situation. If something is not right, teach them to change it.
9. Tell Them Their Behavior Is Abnormal
If you want to learn how to deal with negative people, you must sometimes be honest with them. Most times, negative people do not even know they are being negative. Neither do they see how their negativity affects people around them.
They think the way they behave is usual and their actions are justified. Often, they seem angry with the world for not giving them something they feel they are owned.
But even though it may be true that life has taken its toll on them, who on earth has life not affected? And yet, not everyone has a negative outlook on life.
Approach your friend, family member, lover or colleague calmly and explain some of these things to them. Of course, negative people can stress you but make sure you do not say anything harsh, as this will prove they are right.
Tell them their actions are not normal behaviors. This learned behavior can be unlearned if they are willing to let in a little positive thinking. Let them understand how pessimism makes them miss life’s good things.
It is essential for them to also know that their behavior does not just have consequences on them but also the people around them. Tell them their negativity drives people who mean well away from them.
10. Encourage Them To Seek Professional Help
Many do not know therapists are available for a broader range of human mental states. And being negative-minded is one of those mind states that therapy or counselling can help with.
When you have a pessimist in your life and if you have tried talking to this person and you have seen that your efforts are not working, then it is okay to recommend the help of a therapist.
Like negative people are bound to do, they might accuse you of suggesting they are losing their minds. But you have to encourage them to seek therapeutic help.
Thankfully, you do not need to meet a therapist in person before they can handle a negative person. All the treatments can start and finish online. Alternatively, if they would like to meet the therapist in person, that is also a welcome development.
One of the things the therapist will help a negative person do is to refocus the person’s attention on the good part of life. Therapy can also help you take charge of intense emotions you may be unable to handle.
Just ensure that the person is seeing a licensed practitioner. If there are no other mental health challenges, the therapist can help a negative-minded person to change.
How Do You Shut Down A Negative Person?
If you find yourself asking how do you shut down a negative person, there are several ways to shut down a negative person. Here are some ways to do so:
1. Limit The Time You Give Them
One of the ways to effectively shut down a negative person is by giving them little time.
However, this is often the best method to use when you have tried to make them understand how wrong their behavior is and after trying your best to get them to see why they should be optimistic about life.
So, when they come to you trying to complain again about life, you can excuse yourself and walk out of that space. When you do this often, they may get the memo that you no longer like associating with them.
If you cannot leave, you can ask them to postpone whatever they want to say until you are free.
2. Give Them Attention
Sometimes, negative people are just babies inside who need attention. To get your attention, they may try to speak negatively about themselves to garner pity.
When you notice this, try to tell them positive things as much as possible. When you constantly validate negative people by saying nice things to them, you have succeeded in shutting them down.
3. Fact-check Them
This is another powerful way to shut down negative people. Negative people blow things out of proportion. And one thing you can do to shut them down is destroying that mountain they have raised.
For example, if your co-worker complains that your boss has favorites and never permits him to take a day off on essential days, remind him of all the days he was off, even for things that weren’t that important.
A classmate can walk up to you expressing fear that a particular Professor does not like students passing his course. You can fact-check this by telling him that those who studied well have always passed the Professor’s course.
You can as well show proof if you can. When you do this, you disarm the negative person.
How To Deal With Negative People At Work
So, do you want to know how to deal with negative people at work? Here are some tips:
1. Politely Excuse Yourself From Them
There is always this person in every office who always brings bad news. Everyone in the office might be having a good time, and then they start talking about something negative out of nowhere.
It is either about a co-worker or an employee. It is vital you stay away from this kind of people. Once they start their negative talk, excuse yourself and return to work.
They may begin spreading rumors that you are proud, but you are just trying to save yourself from negative energy.
2. Have A Positive Mindset
It is often very easy for the negative to influence the positive. In fact, it is easier to build up negative habits than positive ones. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to maintain a positive mindset at work.
Think happy thoughts, play songs that lift your spirit if possible and focus on doing the job you were employed to do. Excuse yourself from every form of gossip. Take breaks and connect with genuinely positive people like you.
3. Encourage Them
Sometimes working conditions can be unfavorable, and this can cause many people to complain and be bitter. Instead, encourage them and tell them to focus on the bright side of things as much as you can.
Give them reasons why you are hopeful and why they should do the same.
Conclusion
Putting up with negative people can be mentally exhausting, but if you have not attempted to change them, don’t be too harsh.
People have different reasons for expressing negativity, possibly due to upbringing, societal conditioning or bad relationships.
Try as much as you can to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. Show them how to be positive by the way you embrace positivity. Be patient with them to change. Recommend things that can help their outlook on life.
When all these have failed, and you notice that you can’t cope with them, give them space before they spread the negative energy to you too.
