He’s gone from you and you’re naturally sunk in grief… You think and think. You want to go back in time and do things differently. To change the trajectory of events. To make the separation not a fact.
But all these thoughts are in the wrong direction. Instead of begging him to come back to you, make him beg you!
When you think life is over
When you think life is over you betray yourself. Life is so much more than being with this man. You probably don’t realize it now. Relax. There’s a time for everything. Now your only thought is how to get him back. There is a way.
How do you make him beg to come back to you?
First let’s unravel the reasons for what happened, clean up the mistakes and decide how to rebuild the relationship.
The truth is, we all get used to each other. Wrong, right, you’ve been with this man for a long time, and habit is much stronger than any feelings. And unlike them, it only becomes more ingrained with time. Feelings come and go, but the habit remains. That’s what you miss now. The comfort that habit provides you, not HIM.
Think about the positives too. You are free now, you don’t have to shoulder double responsibility, take care of breakfast, lunch and dinner, pick through the dirty clothes thrown everywhere. Yes, your soul is empty… But don’t think about that now. Don’t pursue it. Don’t go to fortune tellers. Don’t follow him on social media. All this will have only one effect – it will lower your self-esteem even more!
Are you afraid to start over?
For example, with someone else. This time for a change – the right one. Or do you want to keep the past? It is very important to answer this question honestly. Are you sure you want to get it back? Did you make this decision with your mind or are you just willing to do anything just to heal your bruised ego?
Don’t forget the reasons for the breakup
Maybe your paths have long parted, only you were still physically connected. And in fact, you were both somewhere else in your thoughts. Is this an acceptable option for you?
Or was he being aggressive towards you? Physical, mental – it doesn’t matter what kind, because whatever it is is still aggression.
Give yourself time to properly weigh the pros and cons. Don’t let impulse lead you, because that could prove fatal.
How to get it back – an action plan
If you’ve made a final decision and really want this man in your life, here’s what psychologists advise.
First, understand yourself
Look at things calmly. Sideways. Assess everything that’s happened without being offended or blaming yourself. Just dig into the real reason for your breakup. Not the occasion. The reason.
If the initiative was yours, you can call him and arrange a meeting on neutral territory where you can have a frank talk. But wait at least a week for his resentment to subside. He’s probably very angry with you. Let him calm down.
Talk to him, but calmly, with as little emotion as possible. If he decides to tell you something, let him do it. Don’t interrupt him in your desire to prove yourself right. On the contrary, try to see his point of view. You may be able to forgive each other and start again. This time successfully.
Lack of feelings
You don’t have to wait for him to go away. Even just not wanting you as a woman is a wake-up call. Unfortunately, there’s no way to force feelings back. You have to act more delicately. Make him talk from the heart about what happened. In the course of his own thoughts, he will come to the conclusion on his own that he made a mistake.
Sometimes it takes time to understand love. Provide it for him.
If he already has another
No matter how much it hurts, you must gather your strength and recognize his right to freedom. Find the most comfortable moment to talk. Keep calm and by all means don’t question or criticize the new woman in his life. It won’t help, quite the opposite in fact. Even if he wants to come back to you, he may decide to do the defiance. When we are upset, we make the wrong decisions. Don’t push him to do just that.
Invite him to joint events, for example a walk with your mutual children if you have any or to spend some time with relatives and others of the sort. Such a warm and neutral attitude will make him think about the rightness of his deed. Strive to stay in his sight despite the breakup. But unobtrusively.
Show him that he is not the meaning of your life. Be committed, surround yourself with pleasant company and emphasize your new lifestyle in every way. That’s enough.
