If you are here seeking to know how to live for yourself, that means you are tired of living for others. You are fed up with having to please others and displease yourself. It means you finally realize that taking charge of your life is up to you.
The truth is many people are not being and doing what they want because of someone else’s expectations. It is common for our families, friends, culture and society to try to dictate how we live our lives.
But the sooner you realize that life is too short to be spent living it for others, the better. This article is for you if you want to make that choice and live for yourself.
What Does It Mean To Live For Yourself?
So, what does it mean to live for yourself? To live for yourself is to decide to take responsibility for your actions. To know that you will bear the success or the failure of your decision.
It is often easy to always think that someone is responsible for where you are in life. But living for yourself means you realize it is up to you to get the life you want, and you are doing just that.
It also means that you set out to do what you want to do with your life. You are not living to please anyone or living for the approval of anyone. You have realized that life is too short to please someone else.
So many people go through paths in life that have been prepared by their parents. They may succeed in that field, at least in the eyes of outsiders. Still, they end up inherently unhappy with themselves.
When you realize you no longer have to live for anyone’s approval or happiness, you have started living for yourself.
10 Ways To Live For Yourself
1. Discover Yourself
Self-discovery is the first thing to do when learning how to live for yourself. First, you must figure out who you are and what you want from life. You cannot live for yourself if you don’t know who you are.
What are the core values you wish to live by? What are your dos and don’ts? Where do you want the course of your life to lead? What do you want to do? Where do you want to channel your energy?
What would be your response if someone asked you to explain who you are? If you do not know these, you cannot live for yourself. Therefore, self-discovery is a vital thing everyone should experience.
Spend time alone and ask yourself these questions as you think about your life. What am I most excited about in life? What do I find most fulfilling? Is there something that can significantly benefit me and the world around me?
Do I have dreams and aspirations that currently occupy my thoughts? Is there an experience I have had so far that I want to keep experiencing? These questions will help you discover yourself and know your life’s direction.
2. Forgive Your Past Self
We all make mistakes in life. And one of such mistakes can be that you have spent a large part of your life trying to please others. Take a brief assessment of your life from when you were born until now.
First, when you were little, all you did revolved around what your parents considered good and evil. It was a constant effort race to always do what they asked so you could gain their approval.
Next, you went to elementary school and were trained to obey the rules and follow the teacher’s instructions. There you entered another race of trying to please the school authorities.
Finally, after school, you ventured into the outside world and discovered that even the world has its own influence. And so you joined the line, giving in to the world’s demands.
When you remember all the times you should have broken out of the loop of seeking external validation, you may feel bad about yourself. But that is normal. Everyone feels that way when they finally discover themselves.
And now that you have, do not waste time regretting the past. Instead, forgive your past self for any mistake of the past. Look forward. That is how to live for yourself.
3. Do Not Compare Yourself To Others
This one is a no-brainer. If you compare yourself to others, that simply means you are not living for yourself. Instead, you are trying to live up to an existing standard you saw somewhere.
But to know how to live for yourself, you must learn to pit yourself against yourself. You must realize that the battles and paths for everyone in life are different. Your challenges and experiences are unique to you.
Not even your best friend, lover, or siblings have the same pathway as you, no matter how close you are. For example, three friends can graduate from college; one gets a good job, the other starts a business, and the last is unemployed
But they are from the same school and were best friends, yet their life experiences were very different. That is how life works. And when you realize this, it becomes clearer why you do not compare yourself with anyone.
Do what you have figured out is important to you. Focus on your path. Imagine that the founders of Walmart started drawing comparisons with Henry Ford and went to make cars instead of opening retail stores.
Today we would not have anything like Walmart, and probably their car manufacturing plans would have been unsuccessful.
4. Develop Into What You Want To Be
To know how to live for yourself, you must consciously try to become what you want. You do not need to start by doing anything grand. Just start little by little. First, realize that however your life turns out is on you, not on anyone else.
So, it is on you to step out of your comfort zone. This is crucial if you want to break free from the expectations of others. If you feel your present situation does not suit what you want from life, move.
Here is a practical way to develop into what you want to be. Get a pen and a notebook; write everything you dislike about your life on one page. Take time to make this list. Ensure you include everything that irks you about your life.
Then, write down what you want your life to look like on another page. Also, take time to write all of that. Now place that note on your bedstand. Read it every day you wake up.
While doing your daily activities, ask yourself these questions: Is what I am doing currently going to take me to where I want to be? Or is it going to keep me back in the cycle of unhappiness?
Asking yourself that question and answering it genuinely will drive you into doing what you are supposed to do to improve your life.
5. Take Care Of Your Health
Many people tend to pay attention to their finances, work, career, business and family and then neglect one essential aspect of their lives: their health. For years, you have not gone for any medical check-ups.
You do not care because you are not hospitalized yet. But this is the wrong way to live. No matter how huge the corporation, business or career you are building is, they become secondary once you no longer have good health.
Taking care of your health starts with first eating healthy.
Good food is an excellent therapy for the body. When you eat healthily, you have fewer issues with your health. So one of the things you need to do to improve your diet is to reduce your junk intake.
Take exercises seriously. They are not just for those who want to lose weight. They are for anyone who wants to stay fit and healthy and get their muscles and hearts working as they should.
Exercises must not be as severe as going to the gym daily to bench press. Instead, you can take walks or run early in the morning or evening.
6. Learn To Say No
Do you want to learn how to live for yourself? Then you have to learn to say no.
This is one of the biggest steps you will take in living for yourself. People who live for themselves and have independent thoughts do not agree with everything.
They learn to say no and question things they do not understand. As long as you interact with others, you will always have things conflicting with your values and goals.
And you show maturity and independence when you stand your ground and refuse things that are inconsistent with what you want from life.
Saying no can be as simple as turning down an invite to a party when you had already planned to study that night.
It can also be standing against injustice at work or in government. Saying no can also be refusing a request someone made because you do not feel comfortable granting the request.
When you say no, you tell the world that you are independent and can make your own choices. Of course, this will cause some people to say negative things about you. But these are just opinions about you and will not affect your life.
7. Learn To Spend Time Alone
Couples are always encouraged to spend quality time together as this strengthens their relationship and enhances communication. And this works for every type of relationship.
But it can work for you too. You are in a relationship with yourself first. So, if people need quality time to improve their relationship, you also need the same to improve your relationship with yourself.
So, if you want to learn how to live for yourself, you should learn to spend time alone. The world is filled with noise and many distractions, from loud roadside concerts to large advert boards, tv shows and social media.
These things can often distract you from focusing on your goals. Therefore, you must take a step back and spend time alone. This will increase your productivity.
When you spend time alone, you can reflect on your life. First, list things that are working and things that aren’t. Then, do a bit of soul-searching to discover solutions to your challenges.
Sometimes the answer we seek lies within us. We can only find it if we search deeply within ourselves. During your time alone you can also study.
For example, get a book or a recording in the field you want to excel in and study the tenets in the book. From there, draw out actionable plans you can implement in your life. That is how to live for yourself.
8. Create Boundaries
Sometimes, what gives people the confidence to have opinions about you is that you have not created boundaries with them. As a result, everyone will feel free to invade your space and share how they want you to live.
When you are open to everyone, you have set yourself up for an imbalanced and unhealthy relationship with people.
Unconsciously, you act to please the people you have let into your personal space. This is harmful, and you need to protect yourself from this invasion.
How do you create boundaries? First, you must learn how to turn down people who ask intrusive questions, questions you are uncomfortable answering.
Say an acquaintance at work or school in a light-hearted conversation suddenly asks a personal question about your family or relationship.
That is an intrusive question, and you can shut down that line of conversation by promptly replying with something like, “That is a personal question that I won’t answer.”
When you do this, you communicate to the person and others around you that you have boundaries and are not disregarding them for anyone.
If you have never set boundaries with anyone before, read an exhaustive guide on how to set boundaries anywhere and with anyone here.
9. Pursue Only Your Own Goal
One of the ways to learn how to live for yourself is by pursuing your goal. Not the plan others have for you or the desires of people observing your life from the outside.
Your life is not some TV show that people can come to watch for pleasure and for art criticism. So when you wake up every day, ensure that what you do aligns with your goals.
Then, spend more energy doing things that make your dream a reality, not minding what people think. If you want to be an athlete, say, you have the dream of running, go to a stadium and run.
Do exercises that can enhance your stamina. Eat food that won’t make you heavy. Train as though you are representing your country at the Olympics.
Do you want to excel in your studies? Your academic goals can only be achieved if you focus on your studies. Academic success does not come by luck. It comes by dedicating time to study.
So, as you carry out your daily activities, ask yourself, “Am I really doing what will bring me closer to my goals?” This may sound selfish, but you must realize you cannot help everyone.
No one on earth possesses the ability or the resources, whether financial or otherwise, to help everyone. Doing so will only stretch you too thin and leave you struggling to maintain your identity.
In trying to help everyone, you may not help anyone at all. Time is fleeting, and you cannot afford to use this little time to chase after the wind. Unfortunately, that is what trying to help everyone is- chasing after the wind.
This is because you have limited time and resources. Instead of trying to help everyone, why not pick out a few people and focus your energy on them?
Let us say you are passionate about teaching people how to make intelligent business decisions; why not start with 10-20 people. Pour in all that you have in them and let them put into practice what you have taught them.
This way, you have concentrated your time, energy and resources on a specific number of persons. You can then take the rest of the time to care for yourself.
You will overwork yourself if you keep trying to be a savior to everyone. Sometimes, sit back and rest. People do not know how to stop taking.
How Do I Start Living For Myself?
One may ask, “How do I start living for myself?” Here are some of the ways to start:
1. Do Away With Fear
Sometimes, fear is holding you back from living the life you want. When you look at your life, you see many expectations. The ones from family, friends and society.
There is always the fear of not measuring up, of being an embarrassment to your family and community. No one wants to stick out like a sore thumb; everyone wants to fit in perfectly.
Go to school, get good grades, get a job, marry, have kids and die. But your life must not follow this pathway. You can choose how you want your life to be. And the first step to that freedom is doing away with fear.
2. Live On Your Own Terms
Before you set out to live for yourself, you must have figured out who you are and what you want from life. When you find out what you want, you have to start living according to your goals.
Stay away from anything that will distract you from your chosen path. Have your personal checklist. Discard every other list from friends, family or society.
Do not judge yourself based on the standards another person sets but on standards you set based on your own personal goals.
3. Don’t Stop Growing
Now that you have figured out what you want from life, you should ensure that everything you do daily is geared towards the future you visualize. You cannot do well academically if you play video games the whole day.
The earlier you start working on being who you want to be, the better.
Are You Living For Yourself?
So, are you living for yourself? Or are you struggling with the weight of people’s expectations? Remember, you have only one life to live, and those you try to live for or impress have their own lives.
It is meaningless living for someone else when you have only one chance. Ask yourself this. What do I want from life? What can you offer? Are you happy with your current life? Does it bring you joy?
You can still make that choice and start now to pursue your dreams. You can create the future you want. All you need to do is have the courage to try.
Conclusion
Many people believe it is selfish to live for one’s self. They think it is better to live a life of sacrifice, where you spend the rest of your life helping and living for others. But that is wrong.
